My performances are an outlet to explore my anxiety and transform that negativity into an expression of raw emotion. The revealing and cathartic nature of my actions help me combat negative feelings while transforming them into positive energy. My ultimate goal is to form a genuine and visceral connection with my audience.
For this piece, I was inspired by my mother and late maternal grandmother. I analyzed my relationships with them and how certain traits are transmitted from generation to generation.
I began by nervously placing a circular plastic tarp. On the tarp I laid out a red gift bag, two small pill bottles filled with metallic glitter, a piece of rose quartz, incense and zip ties.
I recalled a nightmare I had as a child. I dreamt I was dead and woke up hysterical. My father placed me in a cold shower to calm me down. To demonstrate this, I poured a pill bottle of silver glitter on my head.
Inside of the gift bag are three bloody pig hearts. I took them out and lined them up. The three hearts represented three generations of women in my family: my grandmother, mother, me.
On the hearts, I placed personal items that reminded me of the person they are dedicated to. In front of my grandmother’s heart I put the piece of quartz as a memorial, and for my mother I lit a stick of incense and stuck it inside the heart.
I connected the empty spaces between the hearts with a line of gold glitter, completely emptying the bottle of the third heart, which was for me. At this point, I began violently smashing my head against it while expressing my occasional helplessness over my neurosis of illness and death.
To finish the piece, I retrieved an electric turkey carving knife that I hid on the side. With it, I cut open the front of my dress and began threading the three hearts with zip ties and fastening them to the center of my chest, creating a wearable sculpture. I attached them frantically as my breath deepened. Once the three hearts are attached securely, the performance ended. I slicked back my hair and exited the space.